E Is For Everything.

To a dearest friend,Tino.

Where do I even begin?Sorry doesn't seem to be the right word.The word itself seems so familiar to my mouth.How many times have I said "Sorry" to the people who are important to me.The word itself seems so dangerous in these situation.The word itself is a master of disguise.But once again,I have to force myself to use this word to someone important to me.I am sorry.I truly am.I'm sorry for everything.

No excuses can heal your wounded heart and I'm so sorry for being so pathetic.Yes you're right,I am no longer the same person that you once knew.My heart is heavy from straying thoughts that continue to haunt me.I'm sorry but unlike you,I can't run away from this problem anymore.The person that you once knew has long gone and in it's place is someone insecure,someone who fears the presence of others being too close to her.I'm sorry for neglecting you,I'm sorry for not sharing with you my deepest thoughts.Truth is,I've stopped sharing my thoughts with people.

I realised that people can betray you at anytime and yes,not everyone is like that but I'm sorry.I've been betrayed way too many times and I just can't afford to go through the whirlpool of misery again.I rather I keep these feelings of mine bottle up then let it out.You might have a different opinion but this is how I keep myself stable.This facade of mine is what keeps me going every single day.Do not question my actions.I just ask you to respect my decision for now.

One day,insyaAllah,if I still have the strength,I will let it out.I'm just not ready to trust people yet.I'm not asking for you to forgive me or to wait for me but I just ask you to respect my decision for now.I am sorry for not confronting you up front about this.I just don't have the strength to see people right now.Once again,I am sorry.

I'm sorry for everything.

D Is For Dearest.

Hello you,

I haven't wrote to you for quite some time now.I'm sorry.Fear not,you are still in my heart now and forever,insyaAllah.I was just sitting down,lost in my own thoughts when suddenly you appeared in my mind.Must you always make me smile and fill my heart with such warmth?What is this bubbly feelings that you seems to intoxicate me with?What's that thing you called,frisson?

'Bruno Mars-It Will Rain' is my inspiration for this post.I've been thinking it over and over again that I truly can't seem to run away from you.You fill this life of mine with a bunch of new kaleidoscopic colours that seems to only brighten the pages of my life.If only life was a book,then I'm pretty sure these pages would be pouring with paint and sparkles.Ah here comes the chorus :

Cause there'll be no sunlight if I lose you baby,cause there'll be no clear skies if I lose you baby and just like the clouds,my eyes would do the same,if you walk away,everyday it would rain,rain,rain eh eh...

Got that? *smiles*

C Is For Care.

You know those feeling you get when you're just sitting and doing nothing and suddenly all these depressing thoughts just come rushing at you like some kind of a hurricane and you're left wounded by all the misery and you're just holding on to dear life to stop yourself from crying out?Yeah,that's what I'm feeling right now.And you know what sucks the most?Believing that everything would work out.Believing that one day you're gonna regain back the happiness that you once had.

I honestly believe in all the happiness that I grew up with but now,these little dreams are crumbling before my feet.Slowly,it is swept away by the winds and I am left unprotected by this darkness that is caving in around me.

Stupid girl,wake up.

B Is For Brides & Grooms

I painted my nails with heena again.Pretty eh? *Smirks*

After such a tiring day,the big day has finally come for two,no wait I mean,four people to enjoy eternal bliss with their soulmate(insyaAllah).Unfortunately for me,I came late so I was not able to capture the happy moments of my cousins with their partner but while sitting down,chatting with my cousins,some random little baby came near us and sat down.He was such a cute,round-face baby *squeals hysterically*

P.s. Yeah I know that was totally random but I don't really know what to write so booho!

A Is For Again.

Wish it was that easy...

So I came back today and I guess I was expecting improvement from everyone but I guess I was expecting too much.The same things just keep on repeating and I wonder how long this life of mine would continue playing.My significant others seems more like strangers and sometimes I still get the feeling that one of these days I'm just gonna wake up and find myself back in my house in UK.I long for the warmth that I once had and I'm just tired of the same routine that seems like a never-ending story.How can I move forward when things around me seems to be the same?

P.S. I decided to do the alphabet thing again.It gives me room to think,get me?Nah,I don't think so.

Chu Chuuu!!

Today was the first time ever that I went back home (from Nilai to Shah Alam) with my friends on the KTm.

Hooray!!! *Tiny clap to myself*

It felt really good to be silly and stupid with my friends on the KTM and at the station.It reminded me so much of my time in UK with my friends over there.It made me miss them so much.I think we were by far the loudest teenagers on the KTM.We were acting as though we owned the very transportation *Evil laugh* No consideration at all but it was really funny.

We turned on our songs so loud and Nadira,my friend, started to sing along to the song and we were speaking so loud too.I bet the other passengers wanted to kill us if they could.Also,some random dude came into the women's coach.My friend,Asherin,was like "Nu-uh,oh no you didn't!Get outta here dudee!"

Man they are the best :')

Zombiieeess!!!

Yes I know I haven't written in my blog for like a gazillion years but I'm back now!Yaaaaay!!! (Silent boo in the background)

Anyway,since we have no class for tomorrow,the girls decided to have a movie night and invited everybody over to D-G-5.Oh my God,it was super awesome!We watched this Spanish horror movie(forgot the title) about people getting infected by this virus thing-y and suddenly everyone is a zombie and starts to eat all the unaffected humans.It was super scary,especially the scary anorexic zombie at the end who had very saggy boobs(literally).

We ordered pizzas and there was chips and biscuits and cakes and were like munching food,screaming our heads off and hiding behind our teddies or friends at the same time.After the movie ended,we separated off.Some people started to watch this animation about villains(I think) while my group was watching Hindi movie(Mushte doushite karoge?Don't know the spelling).We were like crying and singing along to the hindi movie.It was super fun.

Went to sleep like at 2am,I think.It was so dark in my room *meep!*